Save money. I am still realising and waking up to what happened over last six years. She asked why, to which I never gave her the true reasons I simply stated that I wanted something different but I would always be around for the baby. Either by a parent or some child good trauma like adoption for example. I have narcasstic x and he is using my 12 and half year old and doesnt want to have her and he abusive to her and got custody and alienates me from her he wants me to pay child support and not see or talk to her what is it that I do because I cant do that. Grateful for any enlightenment right now. But the lies that are so grandiose I am furious about and actually wanted to get opinions. You just made this about yourself. But the abuse and pregnancy plus abandonment from my family is too much to bare. Her 80 yr old mother I was really concerned about. (be careful using this one- dont use this to make him jealous, but to have others jealous of him)Boy, would everyone be jealous if we had [name brand] luggage. So I take them everywhere they need to go and move 3/4 of the storage unit a lot my self. BG maybe right that it is manipulation, but for my kids I would do it. They could retort with verbal, emotional or even physical abuse. Five stars to you. It felt familiar and I did not believe Id love anyone like I loved him, ever. I thought it was just her hatred of me but after talking to her family, this is her (wish they warned me, but they just stopped getting involved in her actions). Even if it was something real bad. The criticisms seem to attack every aspect of my life so I have been working on or giving up on a lot of things always at any givin time. And vis-a-vis her being the custodial parent and a narcissist, I want to reassure you that Im a daughter of a narcissist mother and Ive come out the other side of it as an awakened and empathetic person. If he is willing to go to counseling with you. Have secret safety plans. The best sex. My mother imposed herself as his mother and deluded herself by calling him her son and stepping in front of me to take authority over him even if I am in the room. He was obsessed by his beauty, he was very average to look at, he exaggerated his sporting abilities and so on. I know its been a while since you posted that, I hope you and your daughter are ok. Did you manage to escape or find ways to tolerate this situation? so I take them out there One way 50 miles. Dont allow them to belittle you or convince you that your memory is flawed. I have always helped people so felt like I should help. I pray for the poor woman. So how would you approach this if you are being falsely accused by a cold hearted narcissist??? He was well behaved for sometime then the whole triangulation cycle began, where he would drop hints and bit of information about his now babymama..make comments about how shes actually kind of a very good cook I remember he said this while I was preparing a meal for him.. Said it to make me feel worthless, as if to to say shes somewhat better than me. Dont fall for the love bombing because they will soon revert to their manipulation tactics. I did find the tongue ring but no necklace. ( now you see where this is headed?) Three months in the relationship I began discovering he had lied about almost everything! Thats the key to change. 3. Im moving out in a few weeks.but I am totally depressed and torn in twoI keep asking myself why? I like my boss and shes a narc. she went to jail for 8 hrs and threw them at me and I didnt want to hold them but did and is claiming she didnt get into my wallet , because that wouldnt look good. And When i found out that it would prevent me from doing anything like getting a house which i am trying to do, or a car, then i said i am sorry I cannot. I wish there was not people like that or people like that had to get help. They may turn their narcissistic rage against you. I am not going to let this stop me from loving others and helping if I can. For a gaslighter, just winning an argument isnt enough. A gaslighters goal is to push you to the point of snapping back at them, and once you do, they will label you as crazy. To do this, you have to constantly mention his imperfections to him. then I went up the other day to bring groceries and give her money which she claims I owed her which I didnt but 40 .00 to make peace okay I took it up there and anyting of hers that was left that i could find. And we can get help and you will see that there is nothing going on i married you because I love you. Look at the scary that is obviously a flashing dam light but nobody sees what is showing. Advertisement It's an ironic solution, since Fortunate are those who have healthy mentors in amongst the madness. Over time it became evident that she was bad mouthing me as an incompetent mother and she was the hero because she could support him faster than I could. I was devastated because I knew the only way to return to normality was to exclude her from my life, yet this would now be impossible due to the impending birth of our child. Turn their tactics on them, so they get a taste of their own medicine. So some of that is likely to just be her nature. i have read the article, IT SHOULDNT BE LIKE THAT! Anyway i am trying to find this necklace I am sure she took out of my purse that day she left. Really well articulated and spot on. Not every gaslighter is a toxic, bad person sometimes the Geat post! If its your boss you have to be This will get you everywhere. Ihad not talked to her in almost two years when the phone rang and She asked me to help her and her mom becuase they were kicked out and her husband because of his hoarding. Usual. They will twist your words to fit their narrative, and when you get rightfully upset, they call you crazy. Honestly, being with my bf felt normal by then.. I refused and he left me. Now I felt like I was in competition all over again, hed go back back and forth between me and her. I do have legal evidence to use against my NMother. ( now year 3 ) This woman was determined to be with me. I didnt barge. I cannot do anything without his approval or supervision and I am practically a prisoner in my own home..he always says I should be grateful since I live in the lap of luxury. I lived a year of delusion, fear, rage, total isolation and depressed. I am disabled. Your child will learn and go through a life of what you have if you dont draw the line. Seems to me that most Scorpios (male or female) seem to have that spoiled, selfish, false sense of seniority its sickening. I need to be in their lives to make sure they are ok! I have noticed dropping the hints about it has already made her go into ignore mode. SHE CLAIMED SHE HAD CAnCER SO SHE WOULD HAVE TO HELP PACK OR MOVE HER STUFF. There are many ways to use a narcissists traits/behaviors to achieve your own goals if you are creative and dont mind manipulating them back. At the same time, understanding that what she was doing was impersonal to me (she would be doing this to any other person, thus I was neither special nor tainted) allowed me to remain emotionally sedated I didnt feel sympathy when she cried, I didnt feel anger when she accused me of doing things, I didnt feel depressed when she made snide comments, etc. If I knew what a pathetic groveler he was, I would never have invested any time in him. I find it kind of embarrassing when a narc plays the victim, kind of ruins their whole I am god thing. MY MOM HAS CYSTS AND WORKS JUST FINE MOVING BOXES. Web4. 2. Keep in mind that anything they DO deliver you will pay dearly forin some shape or form. I am also from South Africa and just came across your story (my bf is also a narc) and I am almost 20 weeks pregnant. If I had to go away for work, I was branded neglectful or she would scream abuse at me in front of my son to denegrate me as irresponsible if I was late in returning from work. I still have not found a way to fix this and would love some ideas. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Her result showed that she is a narcissist and she was proud of it. It is clear from the beginning you knew this man was bad but I do believe at times we have a responsibility to ourselves and families to PROTECT them. Contact Us. I wish you the best. And we had some replies and were able to raise 270 minus the fees of gfm and wepay, so I gave them 240 that they were raised. I was glad she was gone but was worried about her mom who just does what her daughter wants right or wrong., They had all pitched in a house in the next state over. After an entire year of living free without him, I began to dating other guys my age, and it was terrible.. Until I discovered I was pregnant with his child. To turn the tables on a gaslighter, you want to communicate in a way that is clear, firm, and, most importantly, calm. I took the bait over and over. I dont want anything to happen to you please take your children and go have some one fly you to a family member he does not know or just go somewhere far. How is that any better than a narc?? Im constantly vigilante though for signs of any negative impacts the mother is having. I am so angry . Bonne chance. I also get if youd just do what I say and stop with all that sass and backtalk youd be fine ..thats if I ever get the nerve to have an opinion or state my point of view. Show your boss some empathy. Make sure that you always have protect, shell and always take out both of his pillars otherwise just let him do his overdrive. I realized I had to lay on the compliments and flirts but shut down when she flipped the script. But NO one could help move them I was the only one. And that costs your business a lot of money. I am out of the relationship and my son and I are safely far enough. If you get little The key is to break the secrecy.Their lies and shenanigans, the gas lighting and other methods of compartmentalizing their activities is all done so no one person knows the full picture. The gaslighter will use anything you say in an argument against you. Im a mess. So understanding. If youre unsure how to get revenge on a gaslighter, the answer is simple: Beat them at their own game. Please help me. He knows these and is imparting them because hes lived through the hell of them. Have fun playing Angry Boss! This is a very important article for survivors. Even in your organization, there are probably managers who practice these habits. This can be very difficult to do when you know you are right, but it will ease tensions on both sides. I used to think it was always my fault, that I had done something wrong for her to do the things she did. So since the motel was paid And I am happy , because I would have had to pay for the gas to get their stuff moved from the town next to us to two three towns over in their new apt! Dont try to defend yourself or reason with them. Even after disassociating from my family for 12 years, they managed to infiltrate and within 3 months the dysfunctional behaviour was full blown and utterly humiliating for me. All my fault though, I made him do it. I guess there are Psychopaths everywhere! I am not sure why.. I agree with you too. I have 3 siblings. & keep them safe? you can homeschool your children. So fucking sad I wish you the best. But she uses manipulation and lies to make people do what she wants. He is a wonderful father, but horrible husband. She attacked me all the year long and, whit a growing pace and a growing sadistic nature. She was delusional when it came to her opinions surrounding herself. For example, telling Reading Suggestion: Why do Narcissists Get Jealous? Kickboxing. He came back. This gave me freedom because I could remove myself from the situation and objectively associate all her actions to the manipulative methods she was employing. When someone puts you down or makes a condescending comment, the normal response is to defend yourself or strike back. My family had been working on him clandestinely and furthermore it became evident that they hoped to profit from his death by ensuring I was destroyed and dependent upon them and by trying to force me to hand over our estate which came to me. Even understanding or showing empathy always seems to prove to her that im worthless in some way. When they realize you dont care anymore, they will likely try convincing you theyll change, but dont fall for it. Thankfully I have outside agencies backing me. But she is also accusing me of stealing her necklace which I dont want and her tongue ring which really?? I was petrified when I found out! Open Privacy Options Not only that, but they wont have the satisfaction of riling you up in a pointless argument. It is some aspect of himself that he hides from the world. I need help; I think this is the only place I can find legitimate help that is going to benefit me. And she had a fit again, And called someone she met on fb and told her I was this horrible person that she was in jail becuase she couldnt watch tv and sleep in th front roon ( tiny front room all day) and she got such an attitude and the person came to pick herand her mom up which i was delighted with. The wording of my child and allowed custody are suspect. Then yells at me because I had to find out way after the fact from someone else (she is about 3000 miles away from me). Normally the mind games being employed are used for the simple reason that the person doing it is too afraid to confront you directly, or they know you would win the confrontation. I dont know what life you think your child is going to have but with a father like that .You WILL be forced to find strength and get out of the abuse and stay out and hopefully your love for your child will propel you to escape. Ive been put through the wringer the last 9 months. Unfortunately, at the time of discovering this we were expecting a child. He has also changed the dynamic between me and my daughters (from a previous relationship). Look Dumb #4. Hey there! Hes nearly 60, hip replacement, his pride was squash which I cant play anymore, please help!!! WebFPS. I need HELP Omg Im in a state of depression, Im 6 months pregnant now and the doc said if I keep stressing I could kill my baby. Narcs are dangerous and so selfish. Listening to him whine and complain about people who are jealous of him, people who didnt like him, listening to him talk about his massive dreams of wealth, his business ideas, the kind of wealthy man he will be before he turned 35 etc! He proved to be bat shit crazy, psychotic, imagining things. Pretend as if you dont care at all the situation means nothing to you. by laying the compliments on thick (without any sarcasm in your voice). And she did not want to call me because I know she doesnt like me but no one would help her because of a habit she took up I avoided her like the pllague usually but felt i had to do something for her moms sake and I did care about them I couldnt let them be on the street. A gaslighters flaw is believing they are the smartest person in the room. Or they have severe self esteem issues.

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