The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. It is not surprising that knock-knock jokes have survived into the 21st century despite their corniness. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. Q: Why is it not safe to doze on trains?A: Because they run over sleepers. Those who steal trains must have a locomotive! I used to be a railway engineer but I kept losing my train of thought and going down the wrong track. you find yourself looking for old locomotives and color schemes during the obligatory chase scene through the rail yards when youre watching old cop shows and movies on TV. You'll also find jokes about Thomas the Tank Engine and some of his friends on this page - or you can visit a page dedicated to jokes about Thomas Clean Jokes About Trains Jokes for Kids Watch and youll see, answered an engineer.They all boarded the train. What do you call a train that cant stop sneezing?Achoo-choo train.What did the train driver say to the lady who wanted to know how long the next train would be and if it would run on time? Happy got out, so she started feeling Grumpy. people look at you funny as they drive by while you are standing out in the middle of nowhere by a railroad track with a tripod and a camera. A chew-chew train. Train really hard. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. The man starts running in mid-air. Q: Whats the difference between a teacher and a train guard?A: One trains the mind, the other minds the train. Q: What do you call a train that eats toffee? Teachers and railroad security are more similar than you might think. Went to a railway fancy dress party. 9. Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but it doesnt help, he punches a hole in the new one. Here are 10 Spanish jokes guaranteed to get a laugh. 38. You have a locomotive. Within a weeks time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!" We know all about your little banana trick, and youre not escaping this time!. I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sons train set by myself. A chew chew train. Youve got to hand it to them, 37. Your email address will not be published. A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. 51. Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. I guess thats why I like monorails so much!Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning.Train conductors are known for their drinking. ToyTrainCenter.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. You don't need to memorise much and they work in plenty of situations. Ive been meaning to make a list of bad railroad punsbut I keep getting side tracked. Apr 26, 2023, 08:17 AM EDT. It had forgotten the words.Why do you have to wait longer for a train on Halloween?Because they run a skeleton service.Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?They say he had locomotives.Whats the difference between a teacher and a train?The teacher says, Spit out your gum, but a train says, Chew chew!Why are dolphins so smart?Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!What do need in order to crash a train?A bad track recordTo become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks. I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees whats happened and asks the desert man, Whyd you ruin my good tea kettle? The desert man replies, Man, you gotta kill these things when theyre small., 48. Check them out! I dont need all this, OMG, I cant drive a train nonsense. What do you call a locomotive that keeps sneezing? Q: What did Thomas say after Gordon helped him out of the mineshaft?A: Tank you, Choo awesome. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. A: Because he's not a conductor! A: A chew, chew train. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: I wouldnt eat that if I were you.Why not? replied the curious brother.I took one bite and went blind for half a minute., 59. Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? The troll that lives under my local railway bridge really is my arch enemy.I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town. These jokes are so filthy; you might just want to cleanse . A railfan was walking along the tracks when he came across an old lantern covered with ash and dirt. A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. If yes, have a look at the list of train jokes for adults! The following are some of the funniest, slickest, and corniest train jokes for kids. "What," he says, "are you doing here!?!" Reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous, particularly if you are at a train station. Here are some of the jokes I found on the back of the LaffyTaffy candy packages. Swinging a large bag, a young man managed to reach the train, throw his bag in and climb aboard, gasping for air. *Ok, this might be a slightly exaggerated promise. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive? 7. Q: Why is the track gauge 4 8-1/2 wide?A: Because it is the mean distance between the neck and ankles of damsels in distress. When a railroad passes within 1 mile of a community of 100 or more people in it, they must build a station and stop there regularly to pick up and drop off passengers. Why cant trains sit down? The manager says he'll be right up. Hes made it! A railroad conductor needs to make sure he doesnt go down the wrong track and lose his train of thought. He tried to cover his tracks. I spent a great deal of time collecting the best train jokes available online. 12. They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them. In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a young woman. youre in your car and you come up to a railroad crossing. 88. Theyre always ready to take one for the steam. If youre interested in reading train jokes one-liners, then take a closer look at the following list! Read on to have a good laugh and learn a joke or two to share withyour friends and family. The Golden State, which has set tough pollution rules for cars and trucks for half a century, is going after diesel pollution from trains that it says are even dirtier. I found that many people spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train. 69 SUPER Dirty Jokes for Adults Only 2023 (with Photos) 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes) by Eric Russell - 23 Mar 2022 Sense of Humor Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. Oh, and did I mention that with every purchase, youll also get a FREE greeting card and a pendant? Train With Wife Joke - Dirty Jokes Train With Wife Joke Back to: Dirty Jokes Follow @quickjokes A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. The How to Math T-shirt is exactly what the title suggests: a pie chart diagram breaking down the percentages of how to do mathematics. A: Because he's not a conductor! 81. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. I guess that's why I like monorails so much! now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); It would be awesome if you let us know when jokes go too far. They can just keep chugging.Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors. A passenger train is creeping slowly along. Ready to explore these jokes about train? A large two engine train was crossing America. What do you call a sick locomotive? He doesnt care that he cant drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. The ex-press train.Why cant train engineers get electrocuted? If you are in a bad mood, reading them will instantly brighten you up. You wont want to miss this hilarious adventure of train jokes and puns that will relieve your stress for a while. And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. Best Short Jokes & Dirty One-Liners Sometimes, humor is all about efficiency and that applies to the best adult jokes as well. Railroad workers need to be sure they always keep their train of thought, or else they might go down the wrong track and get someone hurt.It was exhausting to listen to the conductors argument because she had a one-track mind. They can never decide on a root. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. I cant help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. The dispatcher responds by asking him what road he works for The engineer is a little upset and snaps What difference does that make?Well, the dispatcher drawls, if you work for the BN its 2 pm; if you work for the UP it is 1400; if you work for the NFS the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 2; and if you work for Amtrak its Tuesday!. When the train engineer decided he wanted to run for office, he put the development of brailways for the blind as his main priority. The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work. Same as usual madam; it has four carriages and it will run on rails.Why shouldnt you fall asleep on trains? The train company had safety issues for years but were always able to cover their tracks. 100 + of the Best Laffy Taffy Jokes. 35. Why are ghosts no good at running a railway?A. 73. Since you have freed me from the lantern, you can make a wish, the genie who was attired in coveralls and an engineers hat announced.I thought genies always granted three wishes, the railfan said.Those are the lamp and bottle guys, the genie explained.The train fan nodded his understanding.Okay then lets have a request unless you want to stand around and discuss waning wizard wishes.The railfan quickly replied, I would like a railroad built to Hawaii.The genie stared at the railfan and shook his head. 39. Its a freight day to go for a ride on a train.If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down.The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job.He was there come train or shine.You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails.The conductor was right in the middle of her presentation when she lost her train of thought.Embarrassed, she quickly disembarked from the room.Did you know that train conductors make great thieves?Theyre really good at covering their tracks.Its hard to find anyone with more focus than a conductor.They have complete tunnel vision.How does a train avoid detection?It covers its tracks.I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed.He told me it was hard to keep track.Why do trains take so long to arrive on Halloween?Theyre running with a skeleton service.I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day.I took advantage of an end-of-the-line sale.Its always great working with a train conductor.Theyre always ready to take one for the steam.What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers?A chew chew train.Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry.Make sure you dont yank their train!Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor.Theyre quite at-track-tive.Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks.