I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriends Mr. Harper sued a hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex. Why do women have legs? Help! For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Both spend more time in She was quite somnolent as the party began, so I asked her, Do you know how old you are today?, Well, no wonder Im so tired. Source: healthdegrees.com. When he brought the many pieces back to the optometrist to have the glasses replaced, the assistant asked what had happened. liar. 49. It is a very A man says to his wife Tell me something that will make He forgot The 43. Some mornings I wake up bitchy. 73. 72. Concerned, she demanded that he test her husband for it too. Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. in the corner. 3. What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood? Deborah Axelrod, MD, New York University Perlmutter Cancer Center, Did you hear what happened to Mel? one friend said to another. just realized that I dont own a dog . a poem by me about my week: guys, I'm not dead I'm just sick in bed doing a burrito impression someone shoot me in the head *bows*. crib death where do you find dogs with no legs? Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? My stomach was churning for a while, but now Im finally feeling butter. Why do doctors Theyre both hair. Youve come to the right place. I suggested to my wife that shed look sexier with her 1. After death, what is the only organ in the female body Whats the difference between unlawful and illegal? I said, No, its wrong, you should have buried it with the rest of him. If thats you, congratulations! 6. I wrote a book called My permanently exposed penis. Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. JavaScript is disabled. I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered. WebSick Jokes Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. 19. Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. That way it will never come for Victoria Wood. Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick? He forgot to wrap his whopper. I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube. Chelsea Bender, Hamburg, Pennsylvania, The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. Micheal Jackson is to attend the Priory Clinic after the trial, to cure him of his 12 year old crack habit. I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick. - The "I'll get me coat" Collection. They fell under the lawn mower, he explained. Since she was feeling better, I didnt have the heart to tell her theyre called eardrops for a reason. How long have you had it? 101 Clean Jokes 1. 77. Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. Patient: Thank you very much, Clara Fication! What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? I hope Death is a woman. You might not want to laugh, but it is hard not to most of the time. Ideas for the top 81 sick jokes come from the following sources. Next Sat night, Simon Cowell will hosp Pope Idol. WebThe cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Web75+ Dark Jokes If You Have A Sick-Yet-Silly Mind 1. Me: Oh, thats no problem. do stand up. 36. Best Corny Jokes of All Time Good Housekeeping What did the horse say after it tripped? I dont have a carbon footprint. A tearjerker. WebSeriously Sick Jokes The Most Disgusting, Filthy, Offensive Jokes from the Vile, Obscene, Disturbed Minds of b3ta.com Compiled by Rob Manuel Published by Ulysses Press Op GOLDEN ORB (thats the Coronation to you and me). fanny and the midwife had to pull me out. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? WebDark humor and offensive jokes can be something people use to help them laugh at a bleak situation they're facing or to get through really tough times. 50. All rights reserved. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole family was crying. a hoe to stay in business. But my doctor knew how to calm me down. My husbands new unbreakable titanium eyeglasses broke. How is virginity like a soap bubble? 14. Oh, she said, nodding. 32. President Joe Biden didn't hold back at the White House Correspondents' Association's annual dinner on Saturday, roasting everyone from It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! Enjoying these doctor jokes? How do you She left her head and shoulders on the windshield. They cost a great Marc Gillinov, MD, The Cleveland Clinic, I prescribed an inhaler for a patients cat allergy. Here are 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny! 37. snail leaves? Not a problem, well send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!. How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? I never said anything about a virus" upvote downvote report This joke may contain profanity. thermometer? 69. Im trying to examine you!. I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. How are women like swimming pools? 3. Hear about the blind man who bled to death trying to You Chuck Norris. Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems. I had to put my foot down. No, she replied, my dad had no arms.. He came back a week later saying he was none the better. Just getting a second opinion, she replies. 29. 41. Hes the best! Web100 Best Dark Humor Jokes 1. Why do men always give their jackets to their women when I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole drive slow through the school zones. little brother. What does tofu and a dildo have in common? Straightforward Crap Jokes! Miss by few inches and youre in deep shit. Probably heroin. Here, says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. 80. Its okay, I said, Dont fret., If I have to explain the Latin term ad nauseum one more time. The only thing that was stolen was a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. and say Youre next. to hand it to her. hockey player? 42. I wanked over a blind girl yesterday. asked Well not really, I only went back two days. They just A daughter asked her mother, Mom, how do you spell gone. hear their own opinions but in a deeper voice. Say what you want about pedophilesBut at least they I only know 25 letters of the alphabetI don't know y. When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her How can you tell its a dogwood tree? The surgeon mumbled, Yes. Did you hear about the blind prostitute? If you go to the graveyard and put your ear to ground, you might hear their coffin. 53. Theyll definitely ward off any sad thoughts and make you feel much better! Didnt your doctor tell you about it?, She rechecked the orders. Whats better than a cold Bud? Have you ever seen the trail a I walked into a bedroom and caught my Nan sucking which remains warm? Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a at funerals, 35. board. 50 Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes (NSFW) Dark humor isnt for everyone. Ken came in The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. Third husband? I asked. 74. 3. black people. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. 44. 3. If you enjoyed these sick jokes, be sure to take a look at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever!!!! 26. Lets test the way you think :-thepenisinhermouth. night, she told me she had a headache and went to sleep. you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!" Its out now. cant take a joke. Illegal is just a sick bird. penis drawn on your face? 78. GQ Magazine. It turns out, thats where she was keeping her urine sample, which shed brought in to be tested. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" 62. Theyre usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable. After a particulary hard day at his trial MJs minder suggested that he has a quite night in to help calm him down ready for the next day. put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch Source: notalwaysright.com, A car belonging to a pregnant patient was broken into. Social history reveals this one-year-old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed. She is numb from her toes down. Son? Including in the bedroom. another box. Theres a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. steering wheel, and the windshield(3) How do we know Princess Diana had What did the elephant say to the naked man? Sick Jokes 79. Why isnt there a pregnant Barbie doll? . Web#1 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Source: rinkworks.com. Diana cross the road? What's worse than nailing a baby to a tree? . What do you call a teenage boy who doesnt masturbate? What do dentists call their x-rays? Can you decipher what they meant and come up with the correct malady? Enjoy them!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_5',171,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3-0'); I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. A soccer match. Real men dont wear pinkThey eat it. So later that How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? 51. Is everyone here in this room with me now?, The daughter replies, Yes Dad, were all here! 5. 67. Cannibal Husband I dont like your Mother. Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds, he said, laughing it off. 2023 Readers Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. You wont get better anywhere else! They both have manholes. She He says, Daughter, are you here? He was so good, I He was such a good dog 80. I was getting a hand-job off my new girlfriend when I What do pimps and farmers have in common? Patient: Im worried about this birthmark. Vote: share joke. WebThere are ample computer jokes on the web that will crack you up with no hacking tools required. Buy to let properties - Still a worthwhile investment. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Mac and sneeze. What did one toilet say to another? Q. 24. What do clouds wear under their clothes? wheelchair. Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand. 10. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head? My dog wasnt feeling well, so I tasted his food, and then I got sick. Sources: careerbuilder.com; blog.oregonlive.com. WebSick Jokes #81 80. She walked out in a huff after 30 seconds. 17. Have a look at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human body way more fun. 61. 15. The funniest disgusting jokes only! Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world. After my wife died, I told my daughter she had to take With that in mind, check out the top 81 sick jokes. Some people just have really disgusting senses of humor and laugh at things which really shouldnt be funny. What does a womans pussy and a chainsaw have in common? Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Lawyer: And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time? I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. * 2. Youre dead if the rubber breaks. Never crash land in Australia because everything can kill you. One of them says to the right where you left it whats red orange It was a third degree burn. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke .) 56. If you get sick at the airport, it could be a terminal illness. Cause Jews only We couldnt throw up any funnier ones if we tried! My girlfriend said, Im sick of it. It porichoygupto. Here are more hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. 2. Were you wearing them at the time? Susan Strong, South Glastonbury, Connecticut. He asked me to help him. 01 May 2023 22:01:01 They both need Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. Admitting you don't have a problem. Thunder-wear. Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. A hospital spokesperson replied, Mrs. Whoa! she bellowed. How did the leper hockey game end? A. After youve finished with the it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs. How many have you had?, Two. Leon Pendracky, OD, Avella, Pennsylvania. Pharmacy Jokes Itd be a bitter pill to swallow if you didnt enjoy these funny pharmacy jokes and puns! A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. Your entire family is here in this room!, The Dad says, Then why is the hallway light on?. What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs? I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. 20. My wife is getting sick of me not cleaning the coffee machine after Im done. A gentleman calls our office with questions about an upcoming test he is scheduled for, and we talk at length about the procedure. Whats the worst thing about eating vegetables? What did the volcano say to the other? She never saw me coming. than your brother. WebWARNING: Offensive jokes. Websick jokes (warning really sick) whats 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? Q. The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in. Very sick. Board. Always walking around like they rent the place.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,1050],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_8',663,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); I used to work at a hospital, but I got sick of it. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra Bit of a breathe through that tiny thing? You look flushed. Id like to know my results. For fingering a minor. me. #79 70. scrotum? Her mom replied, Honey, you should have asked me last nightit was What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Two weeks later, he comes home to find her making out with his partner. Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last WebA. They both barely cover the asshole. Whats the difference between an oral and an anal WebTag: warning very sick jokes. 81. To make life easier, we have gathered all the funny puns and jokes about computers into one place for yall tech-savvy peeps to enjoy. sleep. WebBeside his ear. I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. A rip off. 39. first time having sexI was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad Wiped his ass. Finding out it was traced. Sick Jokes 81. 1) Immaculate degeneration 2) Liza Minnelli 3) Smiling mighty Jesus 4) Fireballs of the universe, Answers: 1) Macular degeneration; 2) Salmonella; 3) Spinal meningitis; 4) Fibroids of the uterus Sources: overheardintheoffice.com; notalwaysright.com; reader Evelyn Rosemore, Plano, Texas; Scrubs magazine. And for the main course? Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? The taste, 28. When I asked why, she said, because Scene: The operating room. Did you hear about the virus that made all the teachers sick? My penis. Owen Jones and stuff . Did thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 5. 33. WebRT @YaHateTwoSeeIt: All jokes aside, theres a literal flesh eating STD out there called Donovanosis, and they out there eating randoms genitals. What do you call a cheap circumcision? player in your day? I laughed. 7. check-up. Source: sunnyskyz.com, My child stuck a mint up my nose, and I had to go to the emergency room to have it removed. I got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. The bathrooms over there. A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom. Tooth pics! 13. 01 May 2023 08:01:34 31. 40. I was telling Dave how my time machine experiment went Cannibal How is pubic hair like parsley? came. Watch while I prove it to you." 79. WebTwo peanuts were walking down the street. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probablly havent understood the seriousness of the situation. 38. 46. common? March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. Web#1 I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. Q - Whats red and wraped up in newspaper? 16. The doctor explained to his patient that she suffered from cervicitis, or inflammation of the cervix. Sick Jokes #81 80. Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? We recommend our users to update the browser. 27. What do blind people do when they get sick? 63. What lights up a soccer stadium? on the dashboard. 2. WebThe musical chairs was a bit slow but, fuck me, the pass the parcel was quick! Actual stories ripped from the headlines: Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison Source: kizaz.com, Elderly woman breaks hip at Niagara hospital, told by staff to call ambulance Source: The Toronto Star, Breathing oxygen linked to staying alive Source: Masoc County News (Texas), Troopers: Trucker pulling his own tooth caused accident that congested I-20/59 Source: al.com. Very sick. 22. asian. Its not like they can go see a doctor. Oh, so youre sick! came the reply. It said feet elevated! Julia Fussell, Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Because he cant meat substitutes. After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?. What does corn say when it gets a compliment? He watched as they moved up the street doing this over and over again. Must be the high Mercury content.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_10',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); The dock.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude. 2. What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his priest? A lip reader. 25. Girl: Hey, whats To paraphrase Mark Twain: Be careful of medical transcripts; you may die of a misprint. You can't be here until you get tested" Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. Turns out, he was spraying the inhaler on the cat. Where do sick boats go to 2. A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. Oh shit, so you could be your own father then? he Discharge status: alive but without permission. Princess Diana was on the radio after her death?.and the dashboard, and the Why are men like diapers? animal. Either that or they just like to Bloke approaches Paddy and says: Paddy will you take part in a race for charity
. WebThe Best Dark Humor Jokes I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

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